There’s something up with the MP3 files on my site. They sound all metallic. I didn’t notice it ’til I uploaded the tune for the last post. It sounds terrible! Is anyone else out there noticing this distortion, and does anyone have any idea how to fix it? The music on the homepage is all suffering from this as well — strange, as it played perfectly for several months. Leave a comment or shoot me a line if you have any bright ideas.

I’ve got this buddy Dan Wright who is (go figure) a writer. Awhile back he sent me a poem he’d written for his niece who was getting married, asking me to put it to music. Now niece Number Two is about to get hitched, and apparently a precedent has been set. I tweaked the lyrics just a tad, and here’s what I came up with. (The original poem is below.)

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A bird is just a bird, until you hear its song,
The world was just a place until she came along.
This little firecracker, who lit up our dark skies,
had a certain something, behind the bluest eyes.

She never entered quietly, her fits could make you scream,
A smile would make it all okay; our little drama queen.
We hung on every word she said, and loved the webs she’d spin,
Breathless stories, filled with life before she’d say “and then”.

A dream is just a dream, until it has come true
We looked around and couldn’t find, that little girl we knew.
She turned into our pride and joy, and left behind her fits.
We knew a certain something, had grown up in our midst.

Now here stands a woman, where once our baby stood.
A quiet kind of elegance, so sweet, so kind, so good.
We can only pray, that she may someday see
The joy we take in who she was, and who she’s come to be.

A bride is just a bride, until she says I do
And stands beside the one she loves and starts her life anew.
Reserved for only precious gifts, wrapped in silk and lace
May he see that certain something, written on her face.

Our morning sun and midnight rain, Our melody and song
With tender tears and fragile hopes, we send her on along.
We can’t imagine who we’d be, had it not been for our girl.
Who brought a certain something into our little world.

So here I am, just weeks after a bout with the flu (or something of its ilk), bedridden for the past five days with a really bad kidney infection. I’ve been on this planet just over thirty-four years now, and this is only the third time I’ve had to endure this kind of cruelty. Cruelty, you ask? Well, without going into great detail…

A kidney infection often involves a lot of swelling, or rather — A LOT of swelling. I’d considered taking some pictures and posting them for all the world to see, but I’m pretty sure I promised my mother at some point years ago that I’d refrain from displaying my junk to the general public. Instead I’ve scoured the Net in search of a body-double and am pleased to present you with the following.

Mind you, this is all in the name of science. In the timeless words of Prince, “I’m not trying to offend or unnerve,” I simply thought y’all might wonder where I’ve been. And now you know: In bed with a severe kidney infection, Googling stuff like “Sausage Balloons.”