The show is so much fun, and Autumn is by far the sexiest mamacita up on that stage. Just ask my buddy TJ, who upon confirmation, shouted across a packed lobby to his fiance, “Yeah! Autumn was the naked one!” Dad, you’re gonna like this show… A LOT.

9 to 5 is playing at the Ahmanson Theater for four more weeks, then moves to Broadway in the Spring of 2009. If you’re in L.A., catch it while you can!

JULY 4: It’s summertime, and I’m bald! You know, like… all the way. As in: pretending like I have some choice in the matter. But who needs hair when you’ve got a sexy mamacita like this on your lap? WooHOO! 4th of July! Founding Fathers! Great Nation! Let’s wrap some hot dogs up in bacon, char’em til they’re black, then pause to reflect on what it is exactly that we’re celebrating. Oh right — our independence! Yup, still got that one covered.

JULY 5: Jump on a plane with sexy mamacita and head to New York City, where she’s to begin rehearsals for a new show on… (cue George Benson)

That’s right folks, Autumn is gonna be singing and dancing, and perhaps even doing some “acting” on the Great White Way (racist — I think so too), in a little show you might have heard of… No, it’s not Mel Brooks’ new “Silent Movie The Musical,” and it doesn’t involve puppets or naked children. Nope, in fact it’s one of the most anticipated shows of next season, written and produced by the one and only, Dolly Parton. What a way to make a living…

JULY 9: So she’s off in rehearsals, and it just so happens that I have an audition for another new musical. What’s more, I starred in said musical during its L.A. and Vegas runs, to much ridiculous and ego-boosting fanfare I might add. Well, after some serious rocking and rolling at my good buddy Bernie Telsey’s casting offices on 43rd, I left the room with not quite as much fanfare. Long story short, apparently I’m not “right” for the show anymore. Hmm… If by “right” they mean that I rock just a little too hard to keep up with, then I must say that I agree… I agree. There, I said it.

JULY 10-18: I spend the next week and half sulking and playing house-husband. No, seriously… that’s what I did. We also squeezed in some good eats (check out my food reviews on YELP), and I managed to teach Rage that pooping whilst standing in the middle of Broadway and ANY cross-street, is not wise decision making for a six pound dog.

I also saw more celebrities floating around the city than I ever do here in LaLa Land. Victoria’s Secret Angel, Adriana Lima, kept making googly eyes at me while we were at dinner one night. I’m pretty sure she was miffed because I was with another (more beautiful) woman… but hey, she had her chance back in ‘04 at that speed dating picnic in Lisbon. You snooze, you lose, lady…

Said hi to Paul Schaffer while walking the dog, and watched William Petersen hurry by one afternoon with his entourage — which kinda stumped me. WILLIAM PETERSEN has an entourage? I want an entourage.

JULY 19: I fly back to Burbank, dead tired from the ri-donkulously early morning flight from JFK. Grab some breakfast with the soon-to-be-world-famous, Dave Storrs, and his girlfriend. Then drag my tired butt over to the mall and stand in line for two hours to buy one of the last eight remaining 3G iPhones in the Valley. You know, the same one I scoffed at, rolling my eyes in disbelief at the Lemmings who would actually STAND IN LINE for a phone? Yeah, that one. Geesh… I’m a living, breathing contradiction.

JULY 28: After days of catching up on all the things that need “caught up,” I blog into the wee hours of the morning, hoping to spread goodwill and cheer to my fellow man, (and the other two weirdos who are reading this.) If there are indeed more of you, I ask you to prove me wrong. Leave a comment. Then again, don’t feel TOO obliged. It’s all part of the summer lovin’… and I’m having a blast.

I’ve been a busy little bunny this spring, and have done a pretty good job of abandoning my blog duties here on my very own website. So while I’m still awfully busy, I thought someone might enjoy this little (belated) Easter tribute.

You see, I play in the band at Bel Air Presbyterian Church, and they have their Easter Services at the famed Hollywood Bowl. This year we couldn’t decide what to play as a postlude, so given the venue, I suggested we dust off an oldie-but-goodie and just re-word it to fit the occasion. I got shut down, but decided to go ahead and record it. Just in case…

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I’m slightly embarrassed to admit that I searched for my own name on YouTube today — you know, to see if there was any incriminating footage of Yours Truly floating around the Net. Thankfully, I didn’t find anything questionable, but DID trip across this little clip. Glad to know that SOMEONE managed to get their hands on a “Hoodwinked” soundtrack, even if I’ve never seen a red cent on that end. Run Sonic, RUN!!!

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I only bring it up here because regardless of your political leanings, you have to admit that the production itself is VERY well done. Whoever put it all together is, like… some kind of creative genius or something.

Keep in mind that outside of “Best Picture,” only folks within a given field of expertise are allowed to vote on the winner in their category — in other words, a bunch of EDITORS voted for Mr. Rouse’s work on Ultimatum. I only bring it up because my biggest issue with the film was its overzealous, MTV-style cutting — editing that actually confused the story. That it’s being honored with an Academy Award has me absolutely stumped. That I care enough to post about it tells me that I should spend more time WRITING movies and less time writing ABOUT them…

But since I’m at it, I might as well mention that this evening’s Oscar telecast has me convinced that Cameron Diaz and Ellen Barkin are in fact, the same person.

So I went to the Tao of Wellness last Thursday and Dr. Mao stuck some needles in my face, and all around the rest of my body. He put me on a one-week detox diet, and gave me some tea along with an herbal face scrub and astrigent. Just over a week later, I’d say the results speak for themselves.

The first two strips above are from Weeks 1 & 2, you’ve already seen those. The third strip was taken the day of my first visit to Dr. Mao, and the final strip is me today. Click the pic for a higher-rez look at stuff.

I went back in this past Wednesday for another acupuncture treatment and the doctor was more than pleased with my progress. I’m confident that this plan of attack is working, and will have things cleared up in no time. What’s more, I FEEL pretty darn good. Weird. I’d always heard that vegetables were good for you, but I guess ’til I actually tried them, I just assumed it was some sort’ve urban myth.

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You see, I’ve been pretty busy and have had better things to do with my time than take pictures of my pizza-pie face, but there’s also the not-so-small issue of shaving. You see, in order to provide you with the wonderfully graphic photos in my last post, I had shaved myself smooth. This was to be part of my regime — but after one bloody nightmarish day of repeating this process, not only was I in a LOT of pain, but the large open wounds on my face started to get infected. AWESOME!

All that to say, I haven’t shaved (with a razor) since then. I’ve kept the stubble relatively short with clippers, but I’m not letting a blade go anywhere near this train-wreck ’til I get a handle on things.

So why post today? Well for one, better late than never. And secondly, I’ve set up an appointment next week at the Tao of Wellness, and wanted to make sure that everyone got a good look at where things are at AFTER the hydrocortisone treatment, but BEFORE the acupuncture/herbal therapy. I’m quite sure I won’t get around to it next week, and since I had the night to myself it just made good sense. Like Vietnam, or Beanie Babies.

If you click the pic above, it’ll take you to a much higher-rez version of the Before/After shots. One first glance it might look like some healing has happened, and while that may be true, take into account a couple things.

1. The stubble is hiding much of the inflamation.
2. The first shot was taken RIGHT after I shaved and washed my face.
3. While some of the acne appears to have cleared up, other patches have broken out.

In other words, I don’t think the hyrdorcortisone did much good (or damage). My face did FEEL better while I was using it, but it was always greasy and brought even more attention to the area.

On the other hand, the facial products I was using really did a great job, and the rest of my face hasn’t looked so good in quite awhile. The exfoliant in particular really freshened up the look and feel of things on my cheeks and around my eyes. I will continue to use it even after we tackle the acne situation.

The biggest lesson that I’ve learned these past couple of weeks is that I look WAY better with a little bit of stubble. I know I’ll get an email from my father arguing to the contrary, but come on, the pictures speak for themselves. My girlfriend prefers me that way, and it might just get me noticed. Heck, it worked for Clint Eastwood AND Frida Kahlo…

One of these things is not like the others,
One of these things just doesn’t belong,
Can you tell which thing is not like the others
By the time I finish my song?

If you guessed DAVID HASSELHOFF, or “The Hoff” as he likes to be called, you would be wrong. His picture, as well as the top left and bottom right ones, are Google image results for a “Zombie” search. The lower left shot is of me and my Zit Factory. Right now, I’m what a dermatologist would call a “Gold Mine.”

Folks insist, “Why, I didn’t even notice ’til you pointed it out.” Right. And I never noticed that girls have boobies, until someone pointed it out of course. Yeah, I have absolutely no idea what’s going on with my face, but it sure ain’t pretty. What’s more, it hurts like an SOB, and the classic “well-stop-touching-your-face” remedy is almost impossible to adhere to because it’s the only thing that brings any relief.

Why post this for the whole world to see? Well for starters, I completely trust the three of you who are reading this. But beyond that, I figured we all might as well have some fun with my current “situation,” and maybe even learn something in the process. Yes, we’re going to do an experiment!

<— That is my face as of about a half hour ago. (Click on it for an even better view!) I’d been keeping the whiskers a little longer to help camouflage the mountainscape that’s canvassing my face, plus shaving results in a scene that would make Lizzie Borden blush. Nevertheless, I needed to see exactly what I was dealing with, so I busted out the ole Gillette Fusion, and now my face is as smooth as a… dude with a really zitty face.

My girlfriend gets the credit for what we’re about to try. She’s recommended slathering hydro-cortisone all over my ugly mug, and is convinced that in a week it’ll be gone. Yeah… gone. In her defense, she’s been singing and dancing on a boat for six months and — as such — has no clue just how bad it’s gotten. Which is probably a good thing, as she’s still claiming me as her own. But I digress. Here’s the plan!

1. Exfoliate ($10)
2. Shave ($11)
3. Wash ($7)
4. Apply Hydrocortisone ($6)
5. Wait (Free)

I will be back next Sunday with a complete report, and the “After” shots so that we can do the whole A-B routine. With any luck, I’ll be back to my ridiculously handsome zit-free self, and halfway to infomercial fame and fortune. Stay tuned…