I’ve been visiting my folks in Kentucky over the holidays, and have yet to get my internal clock aligned with their schedules. Not only am I a card-carrying night owl, it’s two hours earlier here so it’s not been unusual for me to find myself reading a book or surfing the net as the sun creeps over the eastern horizon. In case you didn’t know, there’s a LOT of stuff on the internet!

So after countless clicks one night, I found myself on a government website extolling the virtues of the new RealID that’s apparently in our very near Orwellian future. That’s a whole nuther post, but click on over if you want yet more evidence that the current powers-that-be are doing everything they can to ensure that we stay on a collision course with Big Brother. But of course, I digress…

The point here, is that while I was reading up on the RealID, I noticed that Homeland Security is showing a national threat advisory for all domestic and international flights at “High, or Orange.” In other words, if this was WarGames, we’d be at DefCon 4 — on the verge of a Russian nuclear attack!!! Now before you freak out, please read the site’s official explanation of what this means.

While there continues to be no credible information at this time warning of an imminent threat to the homeland, the department’s strategic threat perspective is that we are in a period of increased risk.

Now let me get this straight, “While there continues to be NO CREDIBLE INFORMATION at this time warning of an imminent threat to the homeland” the national threat advisory is one step from As-Bad-As-It-Can-Be? (Read the Rest…)

So here I am, just weeks after a bout with the flu (or something of its ilk), bedridden for the past five days with a really bad kidney infection. I’ve been on this planet just over thirty-four years now, and this is only the third time I’ve had to endure this kind of cruelty. Cruelty, you ask? Well, without going into great detail…

A kidney infection often involves a lot of swelling, or rather — A LOT of swelling. I’d considered taking some pictures and posting them for all the world to see, but I’m pretty sure I promised my mother at some point years ago that I’d refrain from displaying my junk to the general public. Instead I’ve scoured the Net in search of a body-double and am pleased to present you with the following.

Mind you, this is all in the name of science. In the timeless words of Prince, “I’m not trying to offend or unnerve,” I simply thought y’all might wonder where I’ve been. And now you know: In bed with a severe kidney infection, Googling stuff like “Sausage Balloons.”

So I spent a rather interesting birthday here at home today. I came down with some kind of cold or flu bug this past week, and it’s gotten progressively worse. Needless to say, there wasn’t much of a party going on in my world this weekend, so I wound up in front of the computer with some time to burn. Uh-oh…

I’d seen a program last night on the History Channel about the Mayan Doomsday Prophecy. The program showed some eerie similarities between the implications of the Mayan “Sun Stone,” the ancient Chinese I Ching, the Book of Revelation, and the ancient seers of Rome, Greece, and Europe. I’ve been meaning for awhile to do some research on HOW the Mayan calendar works, so I decided to start my day by Googling “December 21, 2012.” I should’ve known I’d still be sitting here twelve hours later.

Now I’m no conspiracy theorist by any stretch of the imagination, but I immediately stumbled across a website (and two or three articles in particular) that I think warrant some examination. The website is called VIEWZONE, and there’s no doubt that it is geared for the Art Bell crowd. The Doomsday Article that popped up was a layman’s description of how the Mayan Calendar works, and the current science that supports some interpretations of the Mayan/Incan Sun Stone; a quick read that proved informative and (for the most part) avoided the sensationalism that usually accompanies this kind of “journalism.”

Then I clicked on a link called Viewzone Confidential…

The envelope was like a set of Russian dolls, one inside the other. The first one revealed a flight itinerary that made two stop-overs prior to landing in Fairbanks. Inside this envelope was yet another envelope that had a message written in black magic marker, "Read when you are alone."

I went to my office and peaked (sic). Inside was a manuscript of copied, printed pages and, yes, another envelope. The papers were from a technical journal, with technical jargon, and were authored by a Dr. Bernard Eastlund. As I thumbed through it I noticed that various parts had been hi lighted with a yellow marker, but it was long and tedious and so I focused on the remaining envelope.

Inside this there was a single index card and a small tin button, the kind you bend and pin on your lapel. It was red and had three white words on it, "Khalua Is Sweet!" The card had a hand written note, "Wear the pin if we are safe."

I had the feeling something was missing. I turned the envelope upside down and shook it, but it was empty. I looked at everything for a few minutes, trying to understand what was happening, but it just made me more confused. That evening I read the technical papers, and it only added to my confusion.

I was hooked. A couple hours later I finished the fascinating story, and was convinced that however true it may or may not be, it would make one heckuva movie. Cross Indiana Jones with The X Files, and throw in a dash of The Da Vinci Code, and you have a rough idea of how this thing plays out. The fact that you can go online and immediately start verifying many of the claims makes it all the more intriguing.

This of course convinced me to start poking around the rest of the website. Now please don’t misunderstand, there are definitely some fringe ideas floating around there, but one article really stopped me in my tracks. It’s called When Bad is Good: What is Money Anyway? It’s all about the U.S. Dollar and its significance in the world — past, present, and future. Well-researched, reasonbly subjective, and most of all… COMPELLING, I really think it’s worthy of the 5-10 minutes it’ll take to read. Check it out, then lemme know what you think.

So apparently I’ve been living under a rock because I just now heard about the devil and Lily Tomlin. If you haven’t already, head on over to YouTube and do a search for “I Hate Huckabees.” What you’ll find is Lily like you’ve NEVER seen her — and it ain’t pretty. It’s so NOT pretty, that I don’t even want it on my site. Why, you ask?

• The leaked footage keeps getting taken down, and…
• I don’t need that kind of karma here

In a nutshell, director David O. Russell (the same guy George Clooney punched out for screaming at an extra) laid into Tomlin on the set of I Heart Huckabees (in a tirade of gender-specific expletives), and Lily lost it. LOST IT! Seriously. Go to YouTube RIGHT NOW and prepare to cringe as Lily goes nuts. There are six or seven clips. Watch them all, and when you’re done, come on back and read the following for a little insight into what was going on…

July 24, 2003: The Car Trip [...]

So far, the actors have been remarkably tolerant of Mr. Russell’s mischief. As Ms. Huppert later observed in a phone interview, the actors knew Mr. Russell was intentionally trying to destabilize them for the sake of their performances. ”He is fascinating, completely brilliant, intelligent and very annoying sometimes, too,” she said. They also know he has created superb films from chaotic-seeming sets before. Besides, he’s the director and the writer; now that they’ve cast their lot with him, they really don’t have a choice.

But on what is meant to be the last take of the day, Ms. Tomlin, who recently ended an exhausting run of her one-woman play, collapses into Mr. Hoffman’s arms crying and doesn’t stop. As he embraces her, the wails grow louder and louder, and finally it becomes clear that she is not in character. After long moments, Ms. Tomlin breaks the tension by shouting at Mr. Hoffman: ”You’re driving a hairpin into my head!” Everyone collapses in laughter and the take is trashed.

But the drama is not over. The car scene takes several more hours to shoot, and as the sun fades, the accumulated tension erupts. Ms. Tomlin begins shouting at Mr. Russell: she is unhappy with the way she looks. She wants to try the scene a different way. She taunts him with a few expletives and curses at the other actors too. Their patience worn, the other actors laugh at her outburst.

Later, unfolding himself from the back seat of the Chevrolet, Mark Wahlberg jokes that his next project will be a nice, easy action film.

July 31, 2003: Candid Camera

The production has moved from the dried-up swamp to the set of the detectives’ office. It is hot and cramped, and the hour is getting late. To pass the time while a shot is set up, Mr. Russell treats the crew to a description of a baby passing through the birth canal.

And then Ms. Tomlin is berating Mr. Russell again.

This time, the director turns on her angrily, calling her the crudest word imaginable, in front of the actors and crew. He shrieks: ”I wrote this role for you! I fought for you!” Mr. Russell ends his tirade by sweeping his arm across a nearby table cluttered with production paraphernalia. He storms off the set and back on again, continually shouting. Then he locks himself in his office, refusing to return. After an uncomfortable, set-wide pause, Ms. Tomlin goes in to apologize, and Mr. Russell returns to the shoot.

Unbeknownst to both of them, a member of the crew has videotaped his tirade. The recording makes its way around the Hollywood talent agencies. Asked about the incident later, Mr. Russell says: ”Sure, I wish I hadn’t done that. But Lily and I are fine.” For her part, Ms. Tomlin admits that both she and Mr. Russell lost control. ”It’s not a practice on his part or my part,” she says. ”I’d rather have someone human and available and raw and open. Don’t give me someone cold, or cut off, or someone who considers themselves dignified.”

This must be the Zen part.

If you’re still reading, and not all spooked by the Tomlinator, watch one fan’s clever tribute to this whole fiasco: Huckabees Redux.

I wanna give a shout out to The Defamer for the above backstory. I believe someone there dug back through a few years of The Times to bring some light to this PR train-wreck. Check out more on the story: Tomlin Vs. Russell: The ‘I Heart Huckabees’ Outtakes – Defamer

I just finished watching an astonishing documentary called Grizzly Man, and I’ll first offer that if you haven’t seen it, you need to. Check out the “Reviews” section for a more detailed examination.

Having said that, be sure to check out the Grizzly Man Sessions on the DVD’s Bonus Materials. It chronicles the two-day recording session of the film’s soundtrack, and is noteworthy because the film’s director, Werner Herzog, gathered a group of musicians together to IMPROVISE the entire score. It’s truly wonderful, and…

Amazing.